Wednesday Ramblings
Stabroek News
March 14, 2001
Watching Benschop on Straight Up is like lingering too long at the scene of an accident; you know you should be doing something better but you just can't tear your eyes away from the twisted journalistic wreckage and the shattered reputations of all who collide with him.
So it was last Friday when Benschop took his camera up to Melanie to visit his current nemesis the Commissioner of Police. And this trip is why many have a sneaking admiration for him. Benschop has balls! Benschop has big balls! Benschop has huge balls! Most people who have tangled with even a minor police rank hide in their homes for a week keeping their heads down. Not Mark. He goes and speaks to the man's neighbours.
Apparently Mr Lewis runs a fowl farm ee aye ee aye oh. And on that farm .. how many chickens are there? Benschop innocently asks an old man. Around 20,000. It is of course hard to get confirmation of this number and it smacks of the exaggeration used in recent political rallies. Maybe one of the observer groups could visit the farm and give an estimate.
Mission accomplished, Benschop returns us to the studio and his boyish grin. You just know he has been a bad child but you can't be mad with him for long. The calls come in "Good evening Maaark!" one lady says and confirms Benschop's reasoned conclusion that indeed the government "this illeeeegal regime" is doing obeah and sacrificing the life of the nation's kids. How else to explain the number of children killed on the roads recently? This lady's cousin had to go to the hospital and it was full of schoolchildren ... Another caller says Donald Ramotar makes Hitler's information minister "Goebbels look schoopid". A man calls in and tops this: Ramotar makes Stalin look like joke. Another lady living in Melanie says Lewis' farm really stink up. It is just short an elephant and a tiger and it would be a zoo ... "the only thing missing is a pen for heself."
Switch to the roof of the Camp Street Prison and crusader for the downtrodden Mark, conducts an interview with two prisoners. The camera surreptitiously turns to a policeman caressing the trigger of his machine gun "Trigger happy... very trigger happy" Mark whispers in fear "Where are we ...? This is a dictatorship..."
Back in the safety of the studio, it is time to wrap up the show with a little rant about "the weakest Commissioner in the history of this country". Tough Mark says if they are going to arrest him again "It is going to be hell". But for who? This is a warning. Suddenly Mark is sad. He feels like crying for his country. In between sobs, he manages to choke out. "Go down to the Night Flight disco on Saturday. I'll be there". This guy is good.
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Rent a Mob
Ivan T Rubbel CEO of Rent A Mob Inc cracks his fat knuckles and looks out hopefully over the city sleeping in the afternoon sun. With only a few days to go ... orders for crowd disturbances were coming in thick and fast. Things had been slow the last few years but with the new attractive package of options customers could now be satisfied they would get what they asked for. The No Frills Plan involved hiring a crew of about 50 youngsters to race up and down the main shopping street breaking a minimum of three plate glass windows and pretending to light a rubbish bin. This kind of activity usually encouraged others and things would develop from there. Mr T Rubbel would simply have to buy 50 fried rice and guarantee bail money. His fee was handsome.
Plan B: lay siege to selected ministries. This required a gathering of large and unattractive ladies willing to take off their clothes at a moment's notice. Payment by the day, minimum of four days; strictly 10 am to 4 pm with an hour for lunch. Babysitting in some cases.
The Deluxe Plan: aka Total Mayhem. Anything goes..... turning over cars, burning tyres, chasing police, robbery, arson ..... Payment for participants: All they can carry home and a useless stub promising a house lot.
Things were looking up, the next two weeks could be his ticket to a wealthy retirement.
The phone rings, waking Ivan T Rubbel from his reverie "Rent A Mob ...You want which plan? ....When?..... Certainly we can do that".
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Sick Sick Citizen
Dear WR
Democracy is making me ill. Every station I look at has political commercials. It's driving me crazy. I can't take any more of Jagdeo inspecting new houses and kissing all those babies and that woman in the cow pasture! When I reversed my car the other day I imagined everything turned black and white. Am I the only one feeling like this? Please help me!
Sick Sick Citizen
Dear Sick Sick Citizen
The first thing you have to do is accept that your feelings are real. Then you can learn to cope with them. Don't reverse your car! do a U turn. After that stick your head out of the kitchen window and scream over and over "I'm mad as hell and I am not going to take it any more!" Then give all your loved ones a big kiss and go to bed.