How alarming to read in the newspapers the official version of the Miss Guyana pageant as opposed to what really went on.
This transcript was secretly passed onto this column. "Immediately after Miss Rayon House of Fashion was crowned at 6.15 in the morning ...the angry runner up Miss Budget Rent a Car ran up to her and tried to snatch the crown from her head but only succeeded in pulling off one of Miss Rayon's false eyelashes which landed in acting Chief Magistrate's Juliet Holder-Allen's glass of water.
Miss Budget Rent a Car eventually got a hold of the crown and the two girls wrestled for it on the stage until it suddenly split in two sending the diamonds scattering to the floor. A bunch of Brazilian garimpeiros jumped out of the audience and grabbed them before running out of the building pursued by Minister Gajraj. Someone shouted "Cat fight!" and the stage erupted. Miss Giddings Pay Day Pawnshop who had pawned all her belongings to buy her hair grabbed the leg of Miss Salt and Pepper Chicken House sending her tumbling into the audience and cutting the right eye of Andrew `Sixhead' Lewis with her huge forehead, thus once again postponing his upcoming bout.
Not to be outdone Miss Duty Free, voted most Uncongenial Contestant 2001, grabbed the top of Miss Golden Coast's blouse releasing a barrage of styrofoam which had increased her cup size from an A to a C. Morvinia Sobers then still angry at her treatment in 1999 took it out on poor Miss Federal Management Systems pulling out huge clumps of false hair before Clem David came and sat on her crushing two vertebrae. Suddenly the Black Clothes police stormed the stage, put everyone up against the wall and shot them leaving Miss Phoolkumarie as the winner."
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"Dear Mr President
I have just recently bought a houselot and am in the process of building a home for my lovely wife and five children. I am a hardworking man but rather poor and I do not at present have money to buy the materials.
Would it be possible for me to get some money from the Lottery Fund? I saw on the television that you had your whole house renovated at a cost of $100M from the fund and I am very happy for you.
My expenses will only be perhaps 1/200th that it cost just to repair your house as I don't want anything too fancy. If you can't find the money could my family come live with you in the meantime?
Many thanks
P.S. I am a big lottery player.
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Wrambler.com.... update
The response to the Wrambler @hotmail.com Grand Prize Draw has to date been very encouraging .
A surprising number of girls wrote with friendly messages including Jeni who said "Hardcore girls do it all" and Marsha the "wildest woman on the web." Others so keen on winning the first prize were willing to trade "stimulating body oils" or to help the distinguished panel of judges with their finances "Get out of debt... consolidate." Please be reminded that bribes are not accepted and offering "nude celebrities" will not increase your chances of winning.
Meanwhile "S.S." wrote with a commendable determination "I must have the car". And followed this up later in the week by saying the contest had caused a huge traffic jam in downtown Edmonton. "See what you have done causing havoc across North America...I will win!" he concluded ominously.
Well just to show that these prizes are legitimate we enclose a picture of the winning car.
Now don't all rush to your computers at the same time as we might have a complete shutdown of the world wide web.