The find, estimated to be made up of 15,000 BM of greenheart logs with a street price of 5M pounds sterling pounds or 5 trillion Guyana dollars, was discovered by sniffer dogs at the Kent port of Maidenstone. Environmentalists have called the find significant as it shows Guyana is one of the rogue nations still allowing the widespread deforestation of its interior which makes up the last 100,000 sq kilometres of rainforest left intact in the Amazon basin.

Despite the banning of all timber supplies worldwide in 2022 and arrests in developed countries even for people found in possession of a toothpick, wood smuggling continues.

Five men were arrested in South Wales and placed before the Llanfairpwllgwyngyll Magistrate’s Court. They all referred to their occupation as non-synthetic craftsmen, a term commonly used when describing outlawed carpenters.

The wood was going to be used in the production of illegal wooden beds.

Guyana’s Commissioner of Recreational Drugs, John Singh said investigations were continuing and he had documents which he said may allow him to be close to identifying the shipper of the cocaine shipment but probably would not.

In Guyana the Minister for Drugs and Trade, Nasoor Damir made it clear that his government was in no way responsible for the shipment and that investigations were being made with the Association of Cocaine Transshippers. He took the opportunity to express his gratitude for their efforts over the last 40 years in supporting the local economy and for boosting exports in the first quarter despite severe global competition from primary producers Colombia and Peru. He also applauded their value-added approach with the launching of 500 gm packs of crack cocaine under the brand name “The People’s Temple.” He reported that production of a coconut/cocaine ‘2C’ energy drink was also being examined.

Damir announced that Guyana was close to signing a deal to supply a major US cereal company with bulk shipments of 2M kilos per year. Guysuco is hoping to manufacture a ‘special’ sugar cake for markets in the Caribbean.

Minister of Other Drugs, Thatch Thaw said Guyana could be a pioneer in identifying synergies created by combining the drug with traditional commodities.

But the lumber bust threatens to derail Guyana’s cocaine exports which have skyrocketed in the last ten years since it was declared legal. Unfortunately prices have tumbled by 3000% and the price is now just above that of flour.

Types of depressed communities
A lot has been written about Guyana’s depressed communities and perhaps they need to be categorised more precisely. Hence the staff of the Wednesday Ramblings Social Service Outreach Unit (Yes, WR is actually doing something for the country rather than writing lunatic letters to the newspapers) has submitted a research paper on the topic which we will pass on to the bi-partisan committee now considering various projects worth $60M.

The Manic Depressive community is characterised by residents who have a false sense of well-being. They think they are well off, wear fancy clothes, drive cars and buy stereos on hire purchase. They also have unrealistic views of their personal abilities and so talk endlessly about building amusement parks to get their communities out of poverty. This euphoria often precedes a period of deep depression and violent psychosis where politicians and issues such as globalisation are blamed for the community’s ills.

Bipolar Depression is slightly different as this usually affects a large community which has parts that are rich and functional and other areas that are dysfunctional. This often leads to violent bouts between the two sides of the ‘psyche’ and the result is usually a mass migration leaving the patient distraught and penniless.

Post partum depression is thankfully very short and normally occurs after the arrival in a village of a minister who promises a long list of projects.

He is garlanded by little children and invited to eat duck curry and roti in the hope that this will somehow result in the delivery of actual infrastructure. A few months later with no projects under way, depressed residents can show symptoms of having an urge to picket outside the minister’s office or appearing on Justice for All.

Chronic depression as its name suggests is hard to cure. No matter how much central government pours into a community its residents are never happy and appear unwilling to put in their own efforts to get better. Alcohol and drug abuse is normally present.

This often results in a build up of distrust, a victim mentality and ultimately isolation. Severe symptoms are characterised by armed conflict lasting for months engulfing whole countries in violent crime.