Is this a Census I see before me?
Wednesday Ramblings
Stabroek News
February 4, 2004
ClassicBooks.com
Census and Non-Sensibility
Thrilling novel from the pen of the sensational Jane Austen in which heroine Marianne, a census taker in 19th century Somerset, hides her data under her petticoat for 12 months. It takes the dashing and fiery Mr Willoughby to recover the results after a spirited drawing room tussle.
Price $2002 Place your order now
Hamlet
By William Shakespeare
The classic story of the Prince of Denmark and his existential dilemma over whether to publish the figures of a census conducted by his murdered father given that his mother married, a little too hastily, the Chief Census Taker.
To wit the famous soliloquy:
"To release or not to release that is the question
Whether to suffer the slings and arrows
Of the political ramifications of mass migration
And possible ethnic imbalances
Or to sit on the census
And by doing so
Look really, really bad"
Price $2002 Place your order now
Romeo and Juliet
The unforgettable tale of two young lovers caught between their families, the Pippissias and the Sophias and how a long overdue census seals their fate.
Here is an excerpt
Act II SCENE II.
JULIET appears at a window in Freedom House
Romeo (from behind a drinks cart): But, soft! what light through yonder window of Bureau of Statistics breaks?
It is the initial census data and Benjamin is the sun.
Arise, fair census and kill the envious opposition parties
Who are already sick and pale from waiting.
For the figures show a mark-ed decline
To make the politicians sick and green
It is my census O, it is my love!
JULIET
O Census, Census! Wherefore art thou Census?
Deny thy controversial data not;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be the daughter of the Chief Census Taker.
Price $2002 Place your order now
Please allow at least 14 months for delivery
Calypsos are so So So
Modern calypso songs are so lame
It must be to do with the brain drain
Always attacking so and so minister
For doing stuff dey say is sinister
Everything seems to rhyme with the
vowel 'e'
like adultr'y, unity and equality,
or road safety the bauxite industry
and let's not forget bad melody
Or they going on about national pride
Guns, drugs and minibus rides
That's why we say Stop de Calypsos
Yes Stop de Calypsos,
Dem stale with nothing to say
Like a neighbour who won't go away
Yes Stop de Calypsos
They talk nuff about domestic 'voilence'
But see woman as having little conscience
The songs are so overtly political
If they were a patient they would be
critical
Another wrote about rice farmers
He must think he is CN Sharma
And how can you be witty
Preaching correct ethnicity
While cleaning up the city
Making vacuous comments about
national unity
Preaching tolerance for those with HIV
Then make fun of a man called Titi
While going on stage and whining
your beetee
That's why we say Stop de Calypsos
Yes Stop de Calypsos,
Them stale with nothing to say
Like a neighbour who won't go away
Yes Stop de Calypsos
(Etc etc etc)
Question of the week
Aren't you just thrilled about the new religious TV station?