We have been observing for some time the debate over VAT and the various concerns raised by so called advocates that the poor and their children will be adversely affected by its implementation.

There are those who say that VAT will stop poorer children from buying books and expanding their minds through the curious habit of reading.

But as we all know the vast majority of poor people cannot or rather choose not to read and we see no reason to change such a pleasant situation. After all a little knowledge is a dangerous thing and the last thing we need is for poor people to start realizing that their abject poverty is the result of this government's misguided political policies based on redundant half baked Marxist ideology combined with a kleptocratic business class determined never to pay decent wages or taxes. Let's just keep on blaming poverty on the 28 years of the PNC, globalisation and ethnic tension, shall we?

Furthermore we see no reason why such luxuries as flour and rice should not attract the full VAT, if not an additional tax given that carbohydrates are the leading cause of diabetes and pot bellies. Errā€¦ have none of you heard of the South Beach diet?

But of course we have little concern for the poor. Far too much time is spent on their "needs" at the expense of us - the middle class.

And it would seem that when it comes to VAT, once again the bourgeoisie is being further marginalized. As such we have come up with our own list of essential items that we feel should be zero rated.

Good Wine: How long must we suffer the bitter after taste of the tax man as we imbibe awful bottles of Chilean Merlot while paying through "le nez" for them?

While our counterparts in Europe are paying the equivalent of G$2000 for a decent Riesling, we are forced to drink such gut rotting, brain splitting plonk as Gato Negro for $3000.

At the same time, Mr Minister, we strongly urge you to increase the excise tax on the cheap spirits churned out for the poor man who, deeply frustrated with his lot in life, invariably goes home drunk and murders his wife because she did not heat up his food. The well trained middle class man gets to sleep on the couch.

Soft cheese: Pick the odd one out: Brie, Camembert, Anchor cheddar, Roquefort, English Stilton. That's right. Anchor cheddar is not cheese but processed milk made by the tonne for the undiscerning masses.

Soft cheeses are those fragile gifts tenderly crafted by heavily subsidized French housewives that the middle class man is forced to smuggle through Guyanese customs in his hand luggage when returning from overseas trips. And heaven forbid he should be delayed in transit on some tropical island as his cheeses silently ferment releasing the pungent odours of a thousand schoolboys' socks. Mr Minister! De-criminalize soft cheese now!

Puppy chow: What about middle class dogs - the ones with collars and personalities. Were you to see the face of one of our colleague's puppies the day he broke the news that pet food would attract 16% tax your cold calculating heart would surely have melted.

Many of our dogs are traumatized at the thought of this ghastly tax - that they mistakenly blame on a coalition of cats - and have resorted to hiding behind the sofa when they hear the letters VAT. Meanwhile we call on the President of the Guyana Society for the Protection of Animals to step up and truly represent our defenceless puppies.

Spare parts for luxury cars: We strongly propose zero rating of spare parts for all luxury SUVs and all European made vehicles. It makes sense since many of us did not pay any duty on our cars in the first place thanks to that wonderful remigrant scam and an inattentive Rehka. So why put taxed parts into untaxed cars? It is completely illogical.

And can you not sympathise with the poor owner of a Mercedes wagon who not only is unable to pay for a new air conditioning unit but cannot pay for a simple switch that opens the passenger side window, thereby turning his vehicle into a mobile oven. Where is your heart, dear minister?

Expensive meals: Indigestion is the bane of the middle class. Why make it worse by adding 16% to it? A meal at the Brazilian on Alexander St already sets the middle class man back $1800 (inclusive of two smuggled Skols). Why spoil our small weekly pleasure? Tax the poor man who joylessly shovels down his $300 fodder from a styrofoam box.

And this comes to our all encompassing point: The poor man is never pleased with his lot and is quick to blame the government for his situation. The middle class man is generally content and when not, more than likely blames his wife's spending habits. So why piss off a whole other section of the population?

Yours sincerely

Chablis drinking, four wheel driving, Brie scoffing, dog owners.

Safe corridor now in place - Rohee

Minister Cement Rohee has assured worried citizens that the police have put in a secure corridor from Brickdam to the Latino Club as part of concerted effort to increase his personal safety leading up to the Cricket World Cup.

Rohee said armed patrols were patrolling Main St ensuring that he could arrive at Le Meridien in the shortest possible time. Plainclothes police are also stationed among the plants and in the barbeque pit at Le Poolside to ensure the minister is fully protected.

"Such initiatives are vital to the country's welfare and I want to set an example that all of us must do whatever it takes to ensure our own security."

Ministry of Agriculture's four Bs

Brazen publicity seeking,

Baloney meetings with farmers,

Blatant repackaging of old initiatives

And Badal-snubbing.