It is now only left for the Jamaican authorities to tell us that Bob Woolmer is not dead. Having being led down the road of numerous conspiracy theories in relation to the death of the former Pakistani cricket coach, we have now come to a roadblock with the reversion to the theory that Mr. Woolmer may have simply died from natural causes.
Do not be surprised if tomorrow the Jamaican authorities announce that Bob Woolmer is not dead after all. Do not be surprised if they announce that the person they assumed to be Woolmer was in fact some other person and that Woolmer had been found alive and well, walking the streets of London.
Do not be surprised if after holding the entire Caribbean in suspense for a few more days, they finally explain that following Pakistan 's early exit from the competition the coach decided that he was not likely to be safe back in Pakistan , with angry fans waiting, and therefore decided to secretly hop on the next plane out of the country.
However, when he went to the Jamaican airport to catch a late- night plane back to his home in South Africa , he was misdirected to the wrong gate by an enthusiastic volunteer and ended up boarding another flight to the Tora Bora. He decided to spend sometime there away from all the stress.
Eventually he got bored of the quiet and solitude of the mountains and decided that it was time to return home. He prayed that hopefully, Ireland would have won the World Cup and this would have made his return to his family easier since by then the paparazzi would have removed from the camp they had established outside his home.
To his amazement when he arrived at Heathrow en route from Afghanistan , he was promptly arrested and accused of traveling on a false passport. Further, he was told that he had assumed the identity of a dead man.
He was just about to be hauled off to the Old Bailey when someone blurted out his name. It turned out to be an old cricket buddy of his who confirmed that the person that was being held was indeed Bob Woolmer. After a few nervous hours, he was released.
Do not be surprised about the possibility that Bob Woolmer is still alive. We have been fed so many tales of intrigues, led to believe all manner of conspiracy theories that one more will not make a difference. The Jamaican authorities can do no better this time than simply tell the world that all along they made a mistake and that the person they presumed to be Bob Woolmer was in fact his look alike and that the coach was safe and well. I would not be surprised if this became the latest twist in the dramatic but sad tale we have been reading about over the past few months.
Having initially announced that the coach died from a suspected heart attack, we were to be later told marks of violence were found on his body and that vomit and blood were found on the walls of his room.
We were told the entire Pakistan cricket team was questioned and that DNA samples of every member taken. This delayed their return home. Meantime a second autopsy was ordered and tissue samples taken.
The next breaking news was that it was possible that the coach could have been poisoned with a substance that normally makes it seem as if its victim died from a heart attack. We were also told that security cameras had recorded images of persons who had gone to Woolmer's room but that these images were sent for enhancement.
The intrigue deepened when it was announced that Woolmer was drinking at the hotel's bar that night and may have had company with him when he returned to his hotel room. Then just a few days ago we learnt that the coach had collected two bottles of champagne from a member of the touring party not long before he died. Why would he be drinking champagne when the entire touring party must have been depressed by the team's loss and exit from the World Cup?
Another version was that a suspect had been identified and that the case was about to be cracked. Well it did indeed crack; it fell and cracked into pieces like Humpty Dumpty. Then came the blockbuster suggestion that Woolmer may not have been murdered at all and that the original theory that he died from a heart attack may have been the real cause of his death.
Can you imagine the embarrassment to the West Indies because of these reports? Can you imagine how the whole world must be laughing at the Caribbean for its failure to even conclude how the man died?
It is a disgrace for us in the region to have been the centre of attraction for six weeks during Cricket World Cup, to have had our security systems questioned following the death of Woolmer, and now months after the verdict is still out as to just what caused Bob Woolmer's death.
Imagine the man's family was denied his remains for over one month while the authorities dabbled with their conspiracy theories and now that they expect some closure, at least as to the true cause of his death, the news is that it is now possible that he died from a heart attack.
This masquerade, leads me once again to turn to that enigma of the Caribbean , V. S. Naipaul. There are many persons, the Peeper included, who do not subscribe to Naipaul's outlook on life and particularly his unassuming contempt for the achievements (or rather lack of) of the colonized.
But when, as the people of this region, you see things such as the police investigation into Bob Woolmer's death you just feel like reaching once again for one of the books by the Nobel Laureate.